i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Hippo gnu deer
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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