I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
