...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
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