She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
