Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Randomize
