Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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