every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Randomize
