Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
