Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
Randomize
