covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
