there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
