I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
