Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
