Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Randomize
