When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
