Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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