You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
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