I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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