I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize