my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
