WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm getting married
To pizza
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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