where am i from again
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
