I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
