How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
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