i need an iv and a liver transplant
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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