you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
