My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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