Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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