people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize