so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
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