Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
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