How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
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