If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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