I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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