Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Randomize
