White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
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