its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I believe in your delicious
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
