I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
