i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
