I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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