I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
