Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Drunk is not a location!
Randomize
