Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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