why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
