he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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