When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
