I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
