Got a toothbrush?
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
did i walk over a car last night?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Randomize
