saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
