I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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