she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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