I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
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