no, he came in my armpit
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I just had sex on a roof
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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