we made out on top of his cat.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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