Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
