Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
