Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
