i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
