Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize