I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
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I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
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Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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