i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
