he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Randomize
