Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
