hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
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I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
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I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
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